Dump the Deadweight
When to call it quits on a toxic relationship, forgive (or not), and protect your peace.
Look, I didn’t become cynical overnight.
I became cynical because people are capable of some real, dirty bullshit. Relationships—romantic, platonic, familial—are supposed to make you better, safer, happier. But sometimes they become the opposite. Sometimes the person you should be able to trust the most becomes the person who chips away at your sanity, dignity, or both.
A “toxic relationship” isn’t just someone who’s occasionally an asshole. It’s a pattern: constant disrespect, denial, abuse, bigotry, ignoring boundaries. And once you’re deep in that swamp, you need to decide: do I stay and try to swim out, or do I walk away altogether?
What Defines Toxic, Really
So what even counts as “toxic”?
For starters, it’s when the negativity is persistent, not occasional. Everyone fights, everyone slips up. But if you’re constantly on the receiving end of disrespect, that’s a pattern, not a bad day.
It also shows up in power imbalances and a refusal to take accountability: when someone acts like they’re untouchable, above being wrong, or never responsible for their actions. Add to that a chronic lack of empathy or basic respect—mocking, minimizing, name-calling, or casually demeaning your feelings.
And let’s not forget outright hate or discriminatory bullshit. When someone proudly holds onto that like a badge of honor, you’re not just dealing with personality quirks. You’re dealing with a relationship that corrodes you from the inside.
There’s a psychology concept here called moral typecasting.
It basically means we like to cast people as either “the victim” or “the villain,” with no room for nuance.
That framing can help explain why we see toxic people so clearly as harmful, but it can also trap us, keeping us stuck in resentment or oversimplifying messy dynamics.
Another principle worth mentioning is how resentment actually wires into your brain. Neuroscience shows that holding grudges triggers the brain’s reward centers (in an unhealthy way), which ironically keeps you hooked on the very anger that’s hurting you.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, doesn’t mean you excuse someone’s behavior; it means you stop letting it hijack your nervous system.